The foundation of intimacy and sex with TAI
You need to be comfortable sharing your needs and fears with your partner. Although it may be uncomfortable to discuss bowel symptoms, open communication around your condition may bring you closer together and provide a great foundation for your intimate life.
Ask for your partner’s understanding
Everyone has some days that are better than others. This is also the case for people that use transanal irrigation (TAI). If you have an unsatisfactory irrigation or are feeling down, ask for their understanding and be honest about your emotions. You can phrase this in a way that makes your needs known to them while also letting your partner know that you are working towards a solution.
For example, you can say you have had trouble with your irrigations and want to change your plans or do something else instead. If you communicate that you understand the problem and have a plan of action, it may reduce your partner’s worry and also keep them involved.
Don’t neglect physical intimacy
Open and honest communication is also a component of a great sex life. Try to talk about your concerns and tell your partner what your needs are.
Sex does not have to have a rigid definition. If it feels good for you, you can define sex however you want. It is totally up to you! Sometimes what we automatically think of as “sex” may not feel comfortable on a certain day. There are many other options that are just as fun. Be creative, and do what feels pleasurable, whatever that means for you.
Seek counseling if necessary
Sometimes, sex and physical intimacy are challenging when living with bowel dysfunction due to anxiety about symptoms or low self-esteem. Cognitive behavioral therapy is a form of psychotherapy that can focus on symptom-related concerns and help people develop personal coping strategies to overcome these issues.
Talking openly with your partner about your fears or needs regarding intimacy can be challenging. If this is the case, it may be possible to seek individual or couples' counseling. Working together with a therapist, you may be able to dig deeper and determine what aspects of your bowel issues and TAI continue to interfere with your dating and sex life. Together, you can then begin to find solutions.
