Living with an ostomy can pose unique challenges and considerations for men who have sex with men. Everyone’s experiences with intimacy are different, and people naturally have different concerns. For some men, it may be hard to broach the topic of intimacy post-surgery, but knowing what to expect, and what your options are, may help to alleviate the stress of navigating these challenges.
This article provides practical considerations for engaging in male same-sex relations after ostomy surgery.
What does having an ostomy mean for my body?
An ostomy is a surgical opening on the abdomen that diverts the flow of bodily waste. A portion of the bowel, such as the colon or ileum, is redirected to the surface of the abdomen. The remaining portion of the bowel is then either removed or sewn shut. It is important to note that ostomy surgery does not typically involve the rectum or anal canal however it will depend on the type of surgical procedure you have.
How can an ostomy affect intimacy and penetrative sex?
Ostomy surgery and the presence of an ostomy can have potential implications for engaging in anal sex.
The impact of Ostomy surgery on anal sex can vary depending on the specific circumstances and the individual's anatomy. Some of the time, Ostomy surgery does not directly affect the anatomy of the anal canal or the rectum, meaning that post recovery, there is no significant impact on the ability to engage in anal sex. For others, certain limitations or precautions need to be considered, such as positioning or how gentle it needs to be and for some, penetrative sex is no longer an option.
Discuss the practicalities of post-operative anal sex with your healthcare provider.
An ostomy must never be used for penetrative sex. The stoma is a delicate area, and penetration of the stoma can pose a risk of injury, including damage to the stoma itself or the surrounding tissues.
If you want to know more about how your bowels will work after stoma surgery, click the link below for more details.
Post-operative healing and recovery
After Ostomy surgery, it is crucial to allow ample time for healing and recovery. Speak to your healthcare provider to receive guidance on when it is safe to engage in sexual activities, including anal sex. It is important to follow their recommendations to prevent complications and ensure proper healing.
How can ostomy surgery affect sensations during intimacy?
Ostomy surgery can alter sensation, comfort, and flexibility in the abdominal area. Some people may experience discomfort or sensitivity around the stoma site and need to take particular care when engaging in intimacy.
Moving forward with intimacy after ostomy surgery
Open and honest communication with your partner(s) is crucial when navigating intimacy after ostomy surgery. Try to discuss any concerns, limitations, or discomfort you may have and explore alternative sexual activities or positions that are comfortable and pleasurable for all involved.
Finding the right support
If penetrative sex is no longer an option post-surgery and this has serious implications on your sex life, counselling may also prove valuable, either alone or with your partner. This can be an incredibly trying time and may require adjustments in how you perceive sex, intimacy, and pleasure with a partner.
Consider joining LGBTQ+ support groups or seek additional therapy with a therapist specialized in these challenges to address any concerns or anxieties related to intimacy and body image.
Comparisons to others
Remember that each person’s experience with living with an ostomy and the impact it has on sexual activities can vary. While you may see that your sexual relations have changed after your surgery or differ to those of others around you, try to avoid direct comparisons as everybody and all relationships are unique.
Key takeaways
- Ostomy surgery may or may not impact the structure of the anus and rectum
- This means penetrative (anal) sex after ostomy surgery may or may not be possible
- Try to remain open and get guidance from your healthcare provider about what is possible for you, be specific about your situation and how ostomy surgery may impact your life
- Never use an ostomy for penetrative sex
- Each relationship is unique and cannot be directly compared to another
This information is for educational purposes only. It is not intended to substitute for professional medical advice and should not be interpreted to contain treatment recommendations. You should rely on the healthcare professional who knows your individual history for personal medical advice and diagnosis.
Call your healthcare provider if you have any medical concerns about managing your ostomy. You may also contact your Coloplast® Care Advisor for product usage and availability questions at 1-877-858-2656.
